THE ALMIGHTY SPIDER
by TasukiNoBaka
Summary: Some yaoi-----Heero jerked awake in the hallway, raising his gun and firing three distinct shots, yelling out, “OMAE O KOROSU!” Trowa shook his head as he munched on some French toast in the kitchen, this place was a madhouse.


Alrighty this my FIRST REAL GW fic and even though I wanted to do something more serious this hit me and I thought it was too cute not to write. Especially because this ACTUALLY happened to a friend and I...scary ne? Warnings are cussing and...some yaoi-sorry for some who don't like that. But watch me care! Haha! *sweatdrop* Anyway onto the fic!! Email at Tasuki_no_Baka@hotmail.com !! R and R PLEASE!!! Oh and I don't own GW which makes me weep every night. * sniffle *   
  
  
  
  
THE ALMIGHTY SPIDER  
  
  
  
He really didn't think too much when he "woke" up that morning. Although Duo had trained himself to jerk awake during his street days, he'd gotten lazy, and essentially got up at whatever time he realized he could sleep no more. Which was usually around noon.   
  
He sat up and gave a huge yawn, muttering under his breath and smacking his lips together. 'Might as well start talking even if nobody is around to hear it.' Duo talked for his own sanity, despite the fact that Wufei had explained to him that when Duo did indeed talk to himself he seriously put that same sanity in jeopardy. Not that Duo really cared. At the times Wufei questioned his koi's sanity, Duo was usually entertaining more thoughts of what he could be doing with those lips instead of talking.   
  
He swung his legs off from the bed and absently scratched at his rear, yawning absently. He casually strolled over and opened the door to the familiar site of Heero leaning against the doorframe, sleeping and clutching his gun in hand. 'Guess he found all those streamers and lawn ornaments in Wing.' He shrugged and stepped over the boy's prone form.   
  
On previous occasions the Wing pilot would simply burst in and tackle the American whenever Duo would annoy Heero. However on a previous incident, Heero happened to interrupt some quality time occurring between Wufei and Duo. Nobody had or ever will see the Wing pilot as shocked as he was at that given moment. The Japanese boy stammered an apology, apparently not even realizing he said it in Japanese, and swiftly locked to door to the room. Since then, Heero would wait outside the door and nail Duo when he emerged from his room.   
  
This plan however, was also flawed considering that if was hard to stay awake all night when everybody knew about Duo's very irregular sleeping patterns. Although usually the last to arise, Duo would occasionally be first or second as well. And Heero, who would've naturally had to take down all those ridiculous objects from Wing, tired himself out in the process, and could not awaken in time to greet the braided baka to the muzzle of his gun.  
  
Walking down the hallway Duo heard some strange noises coming from the bathroom of somebody singing the rendition of Paula Cole's "Feelin' Love." But it didn't really matter to the braided pilot since he had already blackmailed Trowa earlier on a previous occasion and now received a mocha latte with vanilla shots every Sunday. Although with Trowa whining enough Duo should have blackmailed him more but hey... he was a nice guy.   
  
Quatre was sipping some tea and munching on an oatmeal cookie in the kitchen. How the blond pilot could be so alert especially after last night activities with Trowa which could be heard from the hall, well it was anybody's guess. He smiled brightly up at Duo.   
  
Quatre smiled up at the American, "Ohayo, Duo-kun! You're looking well."   
  
"Yeah I guess so, although I'm kinda surprised you are," Duo came back with a wink.  
  
The little Arabian boy flushed and coughed into his hand, "Well, be that as it may, I'm happy to say that Heero said we don't have any Preventer missions for at least a week!" He chirped, and then sipped his tea delicately. Quatre managed to balance the Winner enterprise and worked free for the Preventers, Duo thought they all needed that feeling of usefulness, war or no.   
  
"Hey that's great!" Duo replied pouring himself some coffee. 'Coffee, the source of all life...oh my salvation,' he thought happily and snuggled his face by the mug. Quatre, who was very much used to the sight, wisely said nothing and just smiled.  
  
"Where's 'Fei?" Duo questioned suddenly, jerked from his reverence to the Coffee Gods.  
  
"Oh! He's practicing his katas outside."   
  
Duo purred, "Very good." He then drowned the remains of his coffee and strolled outside, content to watch his sweaty and drool worthy koi.

He caught the Chinese boy just in time to see him flip overhead, twirling his katana and swiping it down, slicing through the air. Wufei's face seat in utmost determination as a bead of sweat trickled down his back, his breath labored but oddly in control. 'He must have been doing this awhile,' Duo surveyed as he took in the sweat soaked form, 'maybe 3 hours?' 

"Wu-fers!! You're love bug is up and alert!!" Duo yelled happily, watching Wufei jump in shock and cursing under his breath, honestly Duo might have been the King of Stealth but he should have sensed something!

"Maxwell what have I told you about those ridiculous pet names?! They're atrocious and I refuse to be subjected to them any longer!" Of course it had now been 3 years and Wufei had yet to make good on his threats and promises to get Duo to stop. 

Duo waggled his left hand, his gold engagement ring glittering in the sun's rays. "Maxwell-CHANG soon Wu-bito'." Luckily it was the only nickname Wufei would 'allow' Duo to call him as his face softened, a smile twitching at his face as he opened his arm with an exasperated sigh. To any onlooker it might seem as a forced movement but the braided boy-no man now at eighteen years, knew that Wufei was never forced into anything. He grinned and enthusiastically sprinted towards the old Natuku pilot, crushing their chests together and nuzzling his neck gently, inhaling Wufei's musky scent. 

Of all the pilots, Duo was now the shortest and teased constantly for it. Sally told him it was from his malnutrition as a child but for chrissakes Quatre was taller than him now! Even the Arabian boy managed to rib the American a few times for it too. Trowa had shot up reaching 6'2, Heero a bit behind him at a clear six feet, Wufei at 5'11, Quarte managed 5'8 and Duo the poor 'baby' now of the group was 5'6. 

Wufei chuckled lowly, massaging Duo's back as he quipped, "How is your day so far…little one?" Another joke at his expense. What had once been Quatre's cutesy nickname had now become an endless onslaught of jokes directed at Duo. They hardly ever called Duo that anymore but Wufei seemed to remember the horrified nickname much better than the others. It wasn't fair though! Quarte was currently without torment but Duo had been working on that secretly. Best he had so far was sex kitten (1) but damnit he was waiting until he was in trouble to use that one.

Duo elbowed him causing Wufei to laugh loudly. "Its not funny," Duo yelled loudly, pouting. "Fine no sex for you!" Now _that_ shut Wufei up although he was still grinning idiotically, it was almost a miracle how much he loosened up around the other four in the past years. 

Duo grumbled as he resumed snuggling against Wufei, "Q-man said we have no missions for the entire week…maybe we could start to look at honeymoon suites again…then rehearse the wedding night?" He grinned wickedly, running his fingertips at Wufei's waistband as he heard the Chinese man growl in his ear smirking himself as he nipped at Duo's ear. 

"Is that a promise now? What happened to no sex…?" Not that Wufei was complaining in any way. 

"Oh I changed my mind all of a sudden and it'll be a night that the neighbors will hear us," Duo whispered huskily, "right after I leave you to take my shower." He spun on his right foot and began to stalk towards the house as Wufei stood flabbergasted. Faintly, he heard him cursing in Chinese but he would have to look up what some of those words meant, after all Wufei could be quite dirty sometimes, taking his newfound foul mouth after Duo. 

The American sauntered upstairs, twisting on the shower, humming as he stripped himself and turning on the shower CD player, Madonna's "Material Girl" filling his ears. On occasion he regretted introducing Heero to old music. 

He hopped in the shower, unraveling his braid and then squeezing a luxurious amount of shampoo in his palm, nice hair didn't result from a quarter amount of hair care products for him. Massaging it into his scalp as he sung sweetly, grinning and dunking his head under the heavy spray, the dripping water beading from his hair as it smacked against the shower floor. He popped his head up to reach for some soap and his eyes widened considerably as a gigantic hairy spider dropped in front of his eyes.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Heero jerked awake in the hallway, raising his gun and firing three distinct shots, yelling out, "OMAE O KOROSU!" Trowa shook his head as he munched on some French toast in the kitchen, this place was a madhouse. 

Now Duo would have splashed the ugly creature to force it down the drain but the damn thing was blocking the spray! Duo whimpered slightly, he loathed spiders! The kids at the orphanage used to fill his head with tales of boys and girls falling asleep: spiders crawling inside their mouth and ears to their brains only to lay eggs there, well it wasn't going to happen to Duo! 

He clambered from the shower and snatched open the cupboards under the sink, fishing for some bug spray. He snickered maliciously as he gripped a can, "Burn in hell you eight-legged bastard!" (2) Pressing forcefully onto the release as the spray shot forward, hitting the spider as it soared down to the floor, twitching slightly. Duo cackled, smirking at his wise decision until he believed he heard a soft hiss and the spider, reared up on three legs and flung itself towards Duo. 

Quatre carefully headed upstairs, wondering what in the world he had heard, and discovered Heero blinking incoherently on the ground, clutching his gun which was never a good thing. "Heero-kun…what was that noise?"

"My gun. I fired it." Heero still had a talent for understatement. 

"…I heard that, but the scream? Where's Duo-chan?"

To answer the unspoken answer another mighty scream emerged from the hallway as a naked Duo, hair lathered and soap dripping thickly from his body, came running and barreled past the both of them to lock himself in his room. Heero and Quatre stood, faces flushed and speechless. 

Quatre seemed the regain his composure more quickly and softly knocked on Duo's door. "Duo-kun?? Are you alright??" They both heard soft whimpers and wails on the other side. Heero pushed open the door and was greeted with a devastating sight. 

There Duo lay, curled in his bed eyes wide with fear. His bed beginning to be soaked with vanilla soap as Duo rocked back and forth. Quatre's eyes widened considerably, "Duo-chan?"

They received no answer from the braided or unbraided boy and Heero strode forward and cleared his throat and asked in a commanding voice, "02? Current status?" 

"Scared." 

"Explain mission parameters?" 

Duo jerked up from his bed and grabbed an astonished Heero sobbing, "It was the biggest spider I've ever seen and it jumped me and it tried to kill me oh god!!" 

"A spider?" Quatre looked puzzled briefly until he giggled softly and a slightly blushing Heero pushed away the still naked Duo scoffing. 

"A spider is no cause for screams Duo. It's an arachnid the size of your finger I bet." Heero folded his arms over his now slightly damp shirt, glaring down at the American. 

"No Hee-chan it was the biggest thing I've ever seen!! And I tried to kill it but it wouldn't die!"

"…It…wouldn't die?"

"No! Its pure evil!"

"So then to kill it would be a challenge?"

"…." Were Duo and Quatre's opinion on the subject. 

"And-and a challenge would be a mission!" Heero's eyes lit up, the poor thing hadn't had a mission in two weeks now, and was suffering from withdrawl. "I'll shoot it!" Heero called excitedly and reached for his gun running into the bathroom. Duo just sniffed and shivered as Quatre shook his head, why was he living here again?

Heero shoved the door aside roughly and stuck out his gun, searching the bathroom for the intruder and spotting it, resting on the sink. He smirked evilly, this was too easy. He fired one shot, cracking the counter open. He frowned as the spider stayed motionless and obviously un-splattered, he fired another shot, wait did he just hear a hiss? The arachnid still laid unharmed. He growled softly and fired 5 shots at the evil creature and finally he saw movement but the damn thing wasn't dead! Instead it spun on four legs, facing him and hissed again, Heero began to panic, the gun wasn't working!! He heaved the pistol at the spider but it swiftly dodged the object and flew at Heero. 

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Quatre jerked his head up from Duo's bed as the American now stood up in a robe and trembled. Heero raced inside the room, slamming it and shaking his hair as he shuddered violently. 

"Oh god it was on me, its legs…oh god oh god!! The gun didn't kill it, I failed the mission and it touched me!! Oh god!" Heero wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes. 

Quatre blinked at his reaction, shocked that a spider could shake mighty Heero Yuy to his core and narrowed his eyes, what sort of spider was this? He moved towards the door as he frowned, what was that noise? Heero and Duo's head both snapped to the door, they knew the sound, it was hissing. A scurrying noise could be heard across the hardwood floor and suddenly a loud bang was heard. 

"Its come for us," Duo shrieked loudly, grabbing Heero in fear, eyes wide and trained as on the door with Heero's. The banging continued and grew louder as suddenly Duo began to scream, all the boys backing into the wall in terror, what did the spider want with them?!

Wufei coming in from his training, a towel around his neck and he downed water spat as he heard Duo's scream and raced upstairs. "Duo?!"

"Wufei!! It's gonna kill us, get help!!" Wufei heard Heero moan softly and Quatre's shallow breathing, but where in the world was the danger and what was that hissing noise?! 

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

The spider flung itself at Wufei as he tumbled backwards down the stairs, landing unconscious at the bottom and slumping down with a soft groan. 

"Wufei?! WUFEI?! Oh god it got him! Don''t worry Wu I'll avenge you! I'll kill the sunovabitch!" The pounding grew louder on the door as Duo screamed furiously and suddenly the banging stopped as a soft noise was made…sqmuish…sqmuish….

The huge eight legged beast had managed to push under the door as it almost rocked on its hinges but eventually gave way to the demon as it hissed and slowly stalked towards its prey, fangs glistening.

Its soon to be three victims stood huddled in a corner, terrified for whatever their fate might be, who knows what an angry spider's wrath would include? They had no where to run or hide, they were defenseless! To think the Gundam Pilots taken out by one spider! Why the idea was ridiculous but happing nevertheless and here they stood, together and knees knocking waiting for the beast to surge forward and sinks its teeth in---

"What in the world are you all doing in here?" Trowa opened the door and strode to them, a dead crunch under his boot as he looked down in puzzlement. "What the…." He picked up his shoe and wrinkled his nose as the now green splattered spider entrails on the bottom of his boot. 

The other three stood agape, Quatre recovered first as he surged forward and wrapped his arms around Trowa's neck, kissing him profusely. Trowa didn't know what he had done to receive such lavish attention in front of the others but he wished he could do it again. He smiled softly and wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist, chuckling gently and lead him out from the room. 

"Now what's going on? …And why is Wufei laying on the ground down there?" 

*MORAL* Trust a boy with uniquely styled hair to always save the day. ^-^

1. Sex kitten: actually my nickname by a dear friend of mine ^^ love ya Michiru

2: "Burn in hell you eight-legged bastard!" …I have said this to a spider on more than one occasion. 


End file.
